lifestyle Insight

What is parataxic distortion? Parataxic distortion occurs when you react to a present situation as if it were pulled out directly from your personal past. Parataxic distortion can be associated with any event from a person’s past but the most common source of distortions are negative experiences from a person’s childhood. A person’s history can be utilized in a variety of ways; however, only a few of these ways are useful in marriage. You have to make sure that you are not using mental filters that distort your use of past experiences. How does parataxic distortion affect people’s relationships? Here’s a sample scenario that features parataxic distortion: Jimmy was wildly in love with Daphne. However, he couldn’t shake the feeling that Daphne was a lot like his mother, whom he secretly abhorred because she was verbally abusive and critical of all her children. When Jimmy was 15, he ran away from home and never came back, because he didn’t want to be exp...

What strategies can you use so that your anger will no longer harm your marriage? Being chronically angry at your spouse will ultimately damage the relationship to the point where one or both parties will no longer find the marriage sustainable. If you feel the exact same way about your marriage because you are unable to manage your anger properly, it’s time that you did something about it. You don’t have to let anger rule your marriage anymore! Anger Control Strategies Why do we get angry at our spouses? This is the essential question that must be answered in order to make sense of the chaos that ensues when anger does get the better of one or both parties in a marriage. People generally get angry when: 1. They are in an unfair situation. 2. When they feel pressured to do something they don’t want to do. 3. When they feel stressed and they don’t know how to deal with the stress. 4. When there are many unresolved issues in the relationship. ...

How can you protect your marriage from the harmful effects of unmediated anger? Extreme and uncontrolled anger can easily create a wide gap in a marriage because it directly impacts how people interact and relate to each other especially during times of conflict. Anger in its purest state wants only one thing: to explode outward however way possible. It’s not your fault that you are capable of feeling angry. However, if you let anger lead the way and you harm your spouse and those around you just because you’re angry then you are definitely responsible for the collateral damage. How can you safely release anger, especially if you’re angry with your spouse? Anger, like other emotions, can be transformed and vented safely. As one half of a married couple, consider yourself 100% responsible for the consequences of being angry at your spouse or any else in the family. Do not fall for the misconception that just because you’re angry, you’re entitled to treat others...

How can you improve your relationship with your spouse by dissolving antagonistic communication strategies? Maintaining happiness and harmony in a marriage can sometimes be difficult if both people are unaware of the antagonistic methods they’re using on each other. The most common reason for resorting to antagonistic methods of communication is the inability to deal with conflict properly (e.g. negotiating instead of arguing). Antagonistic strategies can drain the very life from a marriage, so much so that the relationship itself begins to transform into something toxic and unsustainable. If you fear that your relationship is now entering this toxic phase, know that you only have a limited amount of time before truly permanent damage begins to set in. Don’t worry, there’s still hope for your marriage! How can you begin repairing the deep cracks in your married life? The most important step in relationship repair is recognizing harmful communication strateg...

How can you show your spouse that you can be a supportive and nurturing partner in married life? A major stumbling block in establishing a harmonious, married life is the presence of antagonistic methods of communicating with one another. Ideally, married couples should think and act as a unit as often as possible – this ideal state becomes impossible when 2 people are averse to genuine communication and working together. If your married life has been suffering for many years because you can’t seem to communicate with your spouse properly anymore, it’s possible that aversive or antagonistic patterns of communication have taken root in the relationship. These antagonistic patterns of communication are like ancient parasites – they are deeply embedded and they’re hard to get rid of, if you don’t know what they look like. Today’s blog post is all about finding these parasites so you can permanently get rid of them, once and for all. What do antagonistic communication ...

How can you properly manage an unreasonable and/or resistant spouse during a negotiation? When you’re negotiating with your spouse, it is assumed that things haven’t been going so well and you’re negotiating because you both can’t find common ground. Negotiation is reserved for major problems and issues that can literally crack a marriage in half. Instead of choosing the “easy” path of arguing with your spouse until he/she gives in to your demands or storms out on you, I advise troubled couples to set aside their raw emotions and differences so they can rediscover common interests on the negotiation table. Negotiation is a more peacefuland sustainable way of finding great solutions to big problems . What things can get in the way of a successful negotiation? Unfortunately, there will be times when even your best efforts at negotiating with your spouse will not produce mutually beneficial results. Below are some of the major obstacles that can get in the way of ...

How can you use the art of negotiation to improve your married life and put an end to fruitless arguments? Learning how to negotiate is an essential skill if you want to reverse the downward spiral that started when arguments began taking over your relationships. The big difference between a negotiation and an argument is that negotiation aims to produce a mutually beneficial outcome for both parties involved. Arguing on the other hand, is more focused on dominating and controlling the other party. Fair negotiation requires effort,patience and most of all – love! There’s a big difference between the two, so don’t believe that you’re “good at negotiation” if you often resort to intimidation or raking up old history to “win” an argument. Truth be told, no one really wins arguments in married relationships because, invariably, arguments produce emotional baggage that can affect both parties for months, or even years. How can you become a persuasive but fair nego...